Lately I’ve been itchy all over, like there’s something I’m supposed to be doing but I just can’t remember what. I tried to scratch that itch with National Novel Writing Month but I found myself distracted, staring at the walls and thinking about nothing in particular when I was supposed to be writing. Now the plan is to re-purpose all that energy I’d been saving up for NaNoWriMo and put it towards designing a new website for myself, but I worry that I won’t have the attention span for that, either, or that the sense of hopelessness that I often feel when I spend too much time looking at my own work will swallow me whole.

The idea of grad school had been an abstract up until a few months ago; I knew I wanted to go eventually, but I felt no urgency. Now I want nothing more than to be in school again, right now, right this minute, but of course that can’t happen and it’s driving me mad. All I want to do is look at photographs and think about photographs and make photographs. Everything else feels like busywork, but these days everything else is all I have time to do.